


Hold Me Close

by MagnusTesla



Series: Bloom - A Trans Iruka Story [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Community: kakairu, Cuddling, Dogteeth Hatake Kakashi, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Major Illness, Nightmares, Not Canon Compliant, Requited Love, Sickfic, Trans Male Character, Trans Umino Iruka, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:48:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21526999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagnusTesla/pseuds/MagnusTesla
Summary: Secrets often come out when you least expect them to, and Iruka's are no different. Delirious with a fever, he lets slip a secret he had never intended on Kakashi finding out.(This isnotan accidental trans reveal story)
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Series: Bloom - A Trans Iruka Story [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1568557
Comments: 51
Kudos: 243





	Hold Me Close

**Author's Note:**

> CW - Mentions of a character vomiting. Brief mention of past character death; corpses.
> 
> From a tumblr prompt "Do you mind if we stay like this a little longer?"

The noise level in the mission room was doing absolutely nothing for Iruka's headache, the raucous chatter and argumentative jounin only adding to the throbbing in his head. He clenches his jaw closed and silently prays to any kami listening for the day to go by quickly.

Crawling out of his bed this morning had been like tackling an A rank mission—difficult and treacherous; almost braining himself on the bedside table, sink, and door frame before he'd even left the house.

Iruka stares blankly at the pen in his hand, trying to recall what, he doesn’t know, the thoughts slipping out of reach as the sounds around him slowly fade.

"—uka?"

He swears he's floating away, drifting like he's been cut loose from his body until suddenly there's a firm pressure on his shoulder, and then he's free falling, plummeting back down to earth with a sharp jolt that startles him.

"Iruka!" Genma barks sharply, eyebrows furrowing in concern.

“Sorry, sorry,” Iruka says with a chuckle. He rubs the back of his neck in embarrassment, only to feel beads of sweat gathering there before they slide down his back. The shudder than runs through his body doesn't go unnoticed and when Genma asks if he’s alright, Iruka simply waves him off and smiles brightly, assuring him that he’s absolutely fine.

He doesn’t feel fine, though. It’s the middle of summer and he's so cold, even as sweat continues to gather down his back and beads across his forehead.

Iruka shakes the thought from his mind, reminds himself that there's work to be done because he doesn't have time to worry about having a silly little cold. Not when he needs the money from extra shifts for the deposit on a new place—a new apartment with two bedrooms so that he can move Naruto in, so that the boy he considers family can be _safe_.

Time flies by in a weird blur as he slips into autopilot, passing out new mission scrolls and taking in completed ones with repetitive motions borne from years of manning the mission desk.

He doesn't notice that he's been staring off into space again until Genma places a mug of coffee on his desk before settling back at his own, and asks Iruka again if he's okay. "You don't look so good, sensei," he murmurs from over the edge of his mug.

"I'm okay, Genma. I think one of my kids has passed on their germs. You know they're like petri dishes. I think I just need some rest and an early night."

"I don't think you know what rest is, Iruka."

Iruka shrugs, doesn't deny it, there's really no point when it's true. People don't call him a workaholic for nothing, but hopefully the extra shifts won't be needed for much longer.

The mission room is quiet, empty save for himself and Genma, so he pulls out a stack of his student’s tests to mark. He doesn't get far with marking before the occasional shudder from earlier worsens, morphs into faint tremors all over. It doesn't matter how much Iruka tenses his body, the shakes just won't _stop_. His hands ache with a bone deep chill that leaves his fingers feeling frozen.

Reaching across the desk, he slides the mug of coffee closer, cups his hands around it and almost cries in relief at the warmth against chilled skin. He takes a large gulp before his stomach suddenly lurches, twisting and rebelling angrily in protest.

Saliva starts to rapidly pools in his mouth, the telltale sign that he's going to be sick, but he keeps swallowing down, mouth closed, hoping it'll pass.

_Breathe Iruka. Slowly in and out, in and out. Keep swallowing, keep breathing until it passes._

A glance at the clock tells him there's only ten minutes left until the end of his shift, not much longer until he can go home for a hot shower. Just the thought of rinsing away the sweat clinging to his body and then having an early night sounds absolutely divine.

There are still tests to mark but for once maybe it would be okay to take a night off. Kakashi was forever trying to get him to take it easy, dragging him out for ramen, or inviting himself over during the evening to watch cheesy romance and action movies together, making sure that Iruka relaxed and didn't touch any paperwork.

"My ears are burning. Were you thinking about me, Ru?" Kakashi calls out, voice teasing as he makes his way across the room. The smile on his face falters once he's standing in front of Iruka's desk. "Shit, Iruka," he hisses. "You look terrible."

"I'm _fine_ ," Iruka bites out, snapping his mouth shut quickly when nausea strikes again, the onigiri from earlier threatening to make a reappearance.

"You might as well head off now, there's only ten minutes left. I can finish up here until the next shift change. And for the love of kami, go home and rest," Genma says in a tone that leaves no room for argument. "Look after him, Kakashi. He isn't well but the stubborn idiot still came to work."

Iruka rolls his eyes at the insult, shoving the test papers back into his satchel and slowly pushes up onto legs that feel like jelly, unstable like a newborn foal. He opens his mouth to say thank you to Genma but only ends up making a choked off sound as he vomits suddenly into the trash bin next to his desk.

Nausea roils through his body, so violent that each twist of his stomach leaves him unable to take a breath around the bile being forced up. Black spots dance in the corners of his vision, head fuzzy from lack of oxygen.

He knows someone’s calling his name but it sounds so far away. There’s something forcefully thumping his back, and as the bitterness of bile lets up, he gasps, sucking in lungfuls of air so rapidly that he’s on the verge of hyperventilating.

“Iruka, Ru, look at me,” Kakashi says, rubbing soothing circles into Iruka’s back. “You’re okay, shhhh. Slow your breathing down. Breath in, then out. C’mon do it with me.”

Iruka nods, acknowledges that he’s heard Kakashi and breathes in time with him. The edges of panic start to fade away, but it does nothing to calm the feeling of impending doom that hangs over his head.

“Is he okay, Kakashi?”

“Does he _look_ alright, Gen? Why didn’t you call a medic earlier? I mean, look at him, he’s got a high fever and he’s jaundiced!”

“I swear to you he wasn’t that colour earlier. Iruka told me he had a bad cold, insisted he was fine. If I’d known he’d get this bad, I would have done something.”

Never before has Iruka heard Kakashi sound upset, and when he stands up straight from being hunched over the trash bin, tries to calm his best friend down, the world tips sideways.

The impact of hitting the floor never comes, instead he’s weightless, cradled in strong arms, and when he looks up, he finds Kakashi staring at him with both eyes, the sharingan spinning rapidly, too many emotions flickering across his half hidden face.

Iruka's hand is gently cupping Kakashi's clothed cheek before he even realises what he's doing. "Don't look at me like that. Like you love me the way that I love you."

There isn't time to contemplate the words that had fallen from his lips before shock is written across Kakashi's face, his gaze so intense that Iruka is sure that the silver haired nin can see into his very soul.

Kakashi's eyes widen for a split second and then he's resting his hand atop Iruka's, entwining their fingers together as he leans into the touch. He says something Iruka can't quite make out but the gentle reassurance in his voice sounds like a promise. As darkness races up to meet him, Iruka can only hope that he hasn't just fucked up the one good thing in his life.

****

It's cold, the cool press of the earth beneath his body sinks deep, making the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. All around it's dark, the atmosphere oppressive. A shudder wracks through his body, his teeth chattering and limbs shivering almost painfully.

The ground starts rumbling, small pebbles shaking with rhythmic thudding and suddenly the sky is ablaze with fire, the sound of unbridled fury lashing out with too many tails. All around people are screaming, dying right in front of him and there's not a single thing he can do as he stares in horror at his parents unseeing eyes.

Fuck. How many times was he going to have to relive this moment, the worst day of his life?

_Get up. On your feet._

Iruka runs, keeps going until his legs are burning and the nightmare behind him fades away into nothingness. And, just when he thinks he's safe, thinks he's escaped that hell he's falling, crashing into murky waters, sinking and unable to tell which way is up. He's struggling to swim but it's like he's suspended in syrup, thick and heavy.

_I can't breathe._

His whole body jerks, and he fights to hold onto his breath, refuses to open his mouth but it's useless as inky tendrils force it open, flooding his lungs, suffocating him, drowning him.

But then there’s a bright light and suddenly he's being pulled up, hurtling upwards and as he breaks the surface —

Iruka suddenly wakes with a shuddering gasp, chest heaving as he greedily sucks in lungfuls of air and tries to get up, get away from the darkness chasing him. Red hot pain lances through his abdomen, immediately halting his frenzied movement. The overpowering stench of bleach assaults his nose, and he blinks once, twice, taking in the sight of sterile walls.

_How did I end up in the hospital?_

The last thing Iruka remembers is going to work and—

“Hey, how are you feeling?”

He startles, turning his head on the pillow to the source of the voice. Kakashi sits there, hunched forward in a chair, his pale, calloused hand gently squeezing Iruka’s, warm and reassuring.

“I feel like I went ten rounds with Gai,” Iruka rasps, throat scratchy from misuse. “Why am I here?” Everything still feels a bit disjointed, unclear, like he’s missing some memory.

A cool breeze from the window blows over his skin, goosebumps breaking out in its wake. Dread bubbles up with the realisation that his chest is bare, exposed for anyone to see.

“Kakashi, where’s my binder?!” He blindly grabs for the covers, tries pulling them up in a panicked frenzy, but they've been tucked down. Iruka yanks his hand away from Kakashi, crosses both arms across his chest, attempting to cover himself up.

“Ru, hey listen to me—” Kakashi scoots the hospital chair closer, takes Iruka’s hand again, rubbing soothing circles with his thumb. “You haven’t worn your binder for the past year, not since Tsunade took up the mantle of Hokage. She did your top surgery and I came with you, remember?”

Sure enough, when he moves his arms away, there are two pink scars underneath his chest, stark against his bronze skin. The haze of delirium lifts, clarity slowly returning along with past memories that had been just out of reach. How could he have forgotten?

The tightness in Iruka's chest fades, relief flooding through his body as the adrenaline wears off, leaving him feeling wrung out and sore. A dull sensation settles across his abdomen, the feeling of chakra gently pulsing in time with his beating heart. It's a strange feeling, foreign yet somehow familiar. He knows what he'll see before glancing down; a seal inked onto his skin, various characters spidering outward, emitting a soft blue glow. A small incision sits off centre, the edges of the skin neatly knitted back together, barely visible beneath the ink.

"What happened?"

"You were really sick, Ru. Acute Cholangitis, you went downhill fast. Tsunade had to take you through to surgery to deal with the obstruction in your bile duct, and drain out the infected bile causing sepsis," Kakashi explains. "Kami, you could have _died_."

Kakashi sounds wrecked, like he's barely keeping it together. He pulls his mask down, reaching back out to take Iruka's hand and presses it against his own cheek, seeking out as much skin contact as possible.

Raw emotion flickers across his uncovered face as he says "You told me you loved me and then…I thought— " His hurt is palpable, intense emotions leaking out into the copy nin’s chakra, broadcasting the feelings he's unable to put into words. The sheer force of grief hits Iruka like a punch to the stomach, momentarily stealing his breath away.

He hadn’t meant to hurt Kakashi, hadn’t meant to spill his biggest secret the way he had. Even now, Iruka can barely remember that day clearly, his memories blurred, forever clouded by fever and sickness.

"Did you mean it?"

"Yes."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I was afraid that you wouldn't feel the same, and that I'd ruin our friendship. I'd rather only have your friendship than to not have you at all."

Iruka looks away, braces himself for rejection and being told that they can still be friends. The rejection never comes, instead Kakashi huffs and then breaks out into laughter. “We’re idiots,” he says, nuzzling into Iruka’s palm, pressing a soft kiss against tender flesh.

A tremble goes down the entire length of Iruka’s back, hope blooming in his chest. Could it be that Kakashi feels the same, that his feelings of love aren’t one-sided? Time around them seems to stand still, as if nothing exists except them. Suddenly their faces are almost touching and he can feel the way Kakashi’s body trembles, like he’s barely holding himself back. Iruka’s gaze flickers down to his friend’s lips, a long canine peeking over the top before those same lips quirk upwards in a smile and mouth four words.

_“I love you, too.”_

Iruka can’t hear the words Kakashi is saying over the roar of blood rushing through his ears, but he doesn’t need to, he knows those four words, knows that his love is returned.

The atmosphere between them becomes heavy, like the anticipation of a building thunderstorm, thick with electricity just waiting to spark. Their breaths mingle together, lips so close that they almost touch.

“Kiss me,” Iruka breathes.

Their press of lips is soft, gentle but full of longing and passion. Iruka deepens the kiss, sweeps his tongue into Kakashi’s mouth, desperate to commit his taste to memory. He can’t stop the groan that sounds deep in his chest when Kakashi sucks on his tongue, the sensation sending jolts of pleasure down his spine.

The need to have Kakashi close is overwhelming, all consuming and he needs his touch like the air that he breathes. He tries twisting his body closer but then pain blooms, sharp and unforgiving, Iruka breaking the kiss as he gasps, crying out at the white hot agony lancing through his abdomen.

“Ru, are you alright?” Kakashi asks, checking the seal inked across Iruka’s stomach.

“Yeah, I—” he sucks in a breath, waiting for the pain to ease. “I don’t think I should be moving too much right now. Cuddle me?”

Carefully, Kakashi eases himself onto the hospital bed, pulling the covers up and over them both, settling his head into the crook of Iruka’s arm. He’s mindful of the IV line on the top of Iruka’s other hand when he laces their fingers together, pulling it up to place a soft kiss across knuckles.

Iruka runs his fingers through the soft hair on the back of Kakashi’s neck, relishes the content look on his friend’s face. Are they still friends, though, or are they something more? The question flies around in his mind for a moment before he asks “Are we boyfriend’s now?”

“Yes.” His grin is wolfish with the way both of his canine teeth are on show, pressing into his bottom lip.

“I’m not in a fever dream am I?” Iruka asks, stifling a yawn.

“This is very much real,” Kakashi replies, shuffling closer, their bodies flush together as he presses his face into the crook of Iruka’s neck. “Do you mind if we stay like this a little longer?”

Exhaustion creeps in, making every part of his achy body feel heavy. He yawns again, presses a kiss to the top of Kakashi’s forehead and let’s his eyelids flutter closed. Sleepily, he murmurs, “I wouldn’t want anything else.”

**Author's Note:**

> Fanart commissioned by me for this fic and created by the super talented Rae from [i-drive-a-nii-san](https://www.tumblr.com/search/i-drive-a-nii-san) ♡
> 
> Huge thanks and credit to [Gloomier](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gloomier/pseuds/Gloomier) for being my beta on this fic ♡
> 
> Acute Cholangitis is a pretty major illness, requiring emergency medical attention. I have had this several times and chose to use it in this fic due to being able to pull on my experience. You can read up on it [here.](https://bestpractice.bmj.com/topics/en-gb/345)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! ♡ I appreciate _every_ single kudos and comment.
> 
> Find me on Discord (MagnusTesla#8289) or [Tumblr.](https://magnustesla.tumblr.com/)


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